Standardized testing doesn't accurately measure all children's IQ. Every child learns differently, and therefore should be tested, measured, and taught differently.

This goes for music lessons, as well.

Take Brad and Elizabeth (true story, names have been changed). They are brother and sister. They live in the same house with both parents and older siblings. They are both taking piano lessons and have been for years.

They should learn the same way, with the same instruction, using the same books, and have the same outcome, right? Let's see.

Brad plays predominately by ear. He recently discovered he even has perfect pitch. He can hear a song, sit down at the piano, and figure out what key it's in, and within seconds, know the chord progressions and melody. 

Elizabeth plays mostly by the book. She has become very good at sight-reading and likes to perfect a line at a time until she can play through the whole song or exercise without mistakes. She makes a game out of it.

Brad is into the heavier side of music and enjoys rock and metal. His influences are Breaking Benjamin, Chevelle, Tool, and anybody else he finds on Pandora based on these stations. He is always looking for new music and new bands.

Elizabeth is into pop and top 40. She loves when we take a break from the book to learn a Taylor Swift song, or her favorite song from the radio, but also enjoys classics like Piano Man and Hallelujah. She appreciates any song she can sing along to.

Over the years, Brad's parents really wanted to see Brad reading music, so they asked me to start teaching him out of the books. So I slowly started introducing the piano books to him. And I slowly started seeing him pull away and less and less interested in playing piano. 

He wasn't ready.

There was so much musical talent in him, but he wasn't ready for the structure and patience it took to learn this way. He didn't understand why there was a formula to help learn major scales. He did them by ear and didn't want to know how or why. He didn't care to know why a note was sometimes flat and sometimes sharp, he just knew what sounded right.

When Elizabeth first asked to play I'm Yours by Bruno Mars, she was excited to work on one of her first songs outside of the usual piano book we worked from. She wrote the notes out, learned the chords, worked on the timing and the melody, and practiced a lot. But she always went back to playing the scales and exercises out of her books. They were her comfort blanket.

So I went back to playing by ear with Brad and working in the piano book with Elizabeth. They were both happier and excelling again. Over the next year, I would spend a few minutes of each lesson doing the opposite with them to give them small tastes of the other side. 

Each time, it got a little longer.

Each time, they requested it.

Each time, they got a little better.

Last week I had a lesson with them. Brad talked to me about school starting back up and what he was excited about. He spent a few minutes showing me the new song he was writing (he previously told me that he didn't enjoy writing and didn't want to do it). Then he asked if I brought the new book with me and spent the rest of the lesson going from one page to the next, playing each song and recognizing the dynamic marks and musical notation.

Elizabeth had me time her on how fast and accurately she could play her major and minor scales and then showed me how good she was getting at How Far I'll Go from the movie Moana. We worked on a few pages out of her music book and time was up.

I left the house and sat in my vehicle for a few minutes. 

I thought about each of them and how far they've come. 

When I pushed them out of their comfort zone to work on their weaknesses, they weren't ready. But when I focused on their strengths, and splattered in some of the other once in a while, they took off.

Makes you think.

When teachers try to teach you the things you just aren't understanding, it makes you feel rejected. You feel like you just aren't good enough. Like you would rather give up than feel like you might fail or hold others back. 

But when we focus on a child's strengths or abilities, we encourage them to reach further, to push past everything else. We teach them about self belief. 

A friend recently said to me, "I know the school won't be able to teach my son in the way that he learns. His brain is really amazing but he has some basic areas where he is deficient and that's usually what they focus on. I want to bring out the best in him, not just make him conform to certain typical standards. I want him to reach his full potential. He has so much in that brain of his. And standardized testing will never highlight that." 

​Focus on the strengths. Not the weaknesses. Help them believe in themselves. You will see a different outcome.

"In the end, only kindness matters" 
- Jewel

Only kindness matters. I couldn't say it better.

As a child, we learn from our surroundings. We learn how food tastes, how grass feels between our toes, how the sun warms our cheeks, and how a honeysuckle smells in the morning. We learn how to walk and talk through repetition. We learn the sounds that come from a piano, and we learn how a puppy likes his belly scratched. 

But, some things come naturally. Emotions are not learned, they are inside all of us. We cry when we are sad, we laugh when we are happy, we get angry, excited, confused, and we react without thought.

And my favorite is LOVE. LOVE starts with parents, siblings, family, pets, neighbors, and friends, and spreads through your engagements with religious figures, teachers, musicians, sports figures, and has no limits. Love can be toward a favorite food, a childhood stuffed animal, your first car, a season, just about anything. 

Close your eyes. Ask yourself what makes you happy. What do you LOVE? Picture it. Feel it. Smell it. Taste it. Is it a song? A picture? A memory of a lost one? LOVE uses all of your emotions, and that is what makes it so special.

So when you are a child, you LOVE your friends. You don't care about skin color. You don't care that their parents believe in a different God. You couldn't care less who their grandparents voted for in the last election. You have friends with glasses. You have friends with blue eyes. You have friends with learning disabilities. YOU HAVE FRIENDS!

So at what point do we start seeing differences? At what point do we notice Sally's red hair, or Johnny's wheelchair, or Brian's autism, or Beth's pale skin? I know as adults, we see it in the media every day. It's almost the norm to see headlines on the news or in our own social media platforms about what makes this person or that person different. So I know where WE see it. But where do the children see it? What makes a child ever see the differences? That's a very scary question to have to answer as an adult, because it usually comes back to us.

Children can learn behaviors from those who are surrounding them. When the Bears score a touchdown and your dad jumps up and down and celebrates, you learn to do the same. When mom hugs your older brother and cries as he boards a plane to visit his grandparents for the summer, you see through her eyes. And when the bully picks on and ridicules your best friend, you feel their pain. We learn behaviors from watching everyday situations. Good and bad. Right and wrong.

So it starts with us. The adults. The caregivers. The teachers. The role models.

When we continue to teach kindness, it spreads. 
 
When you eliminate the negative, it only leaves room for positive. That goes for people, as well as situations. You can't always change those around you to see things through your eyes, so sometimes you have to let go. And by letting go of the negative, we are teaching our children to do the same. They will also fill their lives with positive people and situations. 

But we must do more than just spread kindness. We must encourage our children to do the same. They need the strength to stop bad situations when they see them. When that happens, we can all start seeing through the eyes we once had.

​And start seeing the beauty in the things that make us all unique.  

This picture tells such a beautiful story, a Tale As Old As Time! 
...rewind a few months...

There were 12 children, only 2 of which were boys. Most were even strangers to each other. Only a few had any experience performing on stage before, and none knew that on the final night, there was going to be a packed house. They were just a group of kids that wanted to be in our production of Beauty And The Beast. 

They auditioned and told us the parts they wanted. They sang and danced. They got to know each other. Within a few weeks, they were best friends. They looked after each other like siblings. And with two of the leading roles cast by children on the autism spectrum, they learned love, patience, and compassion. This was a special bunch, and their story was only beginning.

​ 

They showed up on Tuesdays and Thursdays and worked on memorizing lines, learning lyrics, and learning about timing. Some were good at projecting, while others talked as quiet as a mouse. Some were outgoing while others needed a little push. But they all loved playing games that helped them with their acting skills, and they loved being together. Over the next few months, they got better and better and really started growing into their parts. We were able to customize the show to really accent each of their abilities. 

The final dress rehearsal was the day before the show. Everybody was a bit nervous. They were forgetting their lines, coming and going on stage at the wrong times, and forgetting the choreography. So we called them all together. We told them that they were one unit now. We told them that collectively, they all knew everybody's lines and should help each other. We told them that mistakes would happen, but it was no big deal, and to keep going. We told them how proud we were of them. The rest of rehearsal was better, but they were still nervous for what was to come the next day. 

​

As the stage lights came on, the cast waited patiently as the narrator told the story of how the prince became the Beast and how his castle and everybody inside were transformed into objects. He had to find his true love, and she must love him back to break the spell. The opening scene was great and the song went off without a problem. The kids were all coming together and forgetting about their fears. They were on stage doing what they had practiced for months. They were having fun!

"I am so proud of him for working so hard...and I'm so very grateful for the amazing people who gave him this opportunity and the other kids who supported and encouraged him like I had never seen before," said the mom of Beast. Her son was the first recipient to use the Inspire Initiative Scholarship for our theater program. 

The rest of the play was amazing and I saw many parents and grandparents with tears in their eyes. We were so proud of all of them. The pictures tell a much better story than I can, so I end it here. Enjoy!

​When I went to prom in 1992, I had an amazing experience. I was a senior in high school, I was with great friends, and had the whole world ahead of me. I arrived in a limo with my girlfriend and and two other couples. We danced, sang along to the songs, and enjoyed a night that was just for us. We knew we would all be going to college in different corners of the country in just a few short months, so this was our night. We weren't worried about jobs, money, school, or any of the other problems that plagued us during the day. We were there to forget everything and have a great night. All of us! 

...So I thought. 

When I look back now, there were some classmates missing. Not just at our prom, but at the rival school, and the school in the other district that had the same mascot, and the school that was in the neighboring county, neighboring state, heck, all the schools were missing kids at the prom. Who were they?

​They were your neighbors, your classmates, your friends. They all had something in common, too. They all had special needs. Some had neurological disorders, some had developmental delays, and some had physical limitations. Some didn't want to go because they were afraid to stand out, afraid of bullies, afraid of us. Others wanted to go but had nobody to go with. And some just didn't even feel like it was their prom. It was for everybody else.

​But we didn't see them. We didn't notice. We danced. We were in the moment. I look back now and realize there were those that missed this magical evening. And it breaks my heart. I wish it weren't this way. Everybody should have the memories I have, regardless of their abilities. And then I heard about Night To Shine.

Night To Shine is an unforgettable prom night experience for people with special needs ages 14 and older. On this night, 375 churches from around the world hosts Night To Shine for 75,000 honored guests through the support of 150,000 volunteers!   

I feel like I am winning a huge prize every year when I fill out my volunteer application and get the confirmation email. This is truly a night that will be a part of my memories for the rest of my life.  

Night To Shine is put on by the Tim Tebow Foundation. Tim Tebow created this foundation in 2010 to bring faith, hope, and love to those needing a brighter day in their darkest hour of need. 

Tim Tebow said, "When I was at one of the proms last year, a beautifully dressed queen of the prom was hugging me when the girl’s mom leaned over and whispered with tears in her eyes, ‘My daughter will never get married and she will never have children, but tonight you made her feel like a princess."

And that's exactly what happens.

Upon arrival, every gentleman receives a crown upon his head and every lady garnishes a tiara. They are in suits, tuxes, gowns, and dresses. Their hair and makeup are done and they come looking like celebrities on Grammy night. These kings and queens are then escorted down the red carpet by their prom buddy (volunteers). The paparazzi (also volunteers) are lined up on either side of the red carpet cheering and taking pictures each time another king or queen is announced. The joy on their faces is absolutely stunning.

Once inside, they have a chance to sit and enjoy a very nice meal before the festivities begin. After eating, they head to the dance floor and dance to the music being played by a professional DJ. It looks just like my prom way back in 1992. Streamers, balloons, music, and an electric atmosphere. Just outside the dance floor, there were photo booths, a VIP photo wall, refreshments, and smiles everywhere. And just outside the entrance doors, there were two, beautiful limos waiting to take the kings and queens for a ride. 

I was lucky enough to be a volunteer again this year. On February 10th, at Trinity New Life church in Odessa, FL, I stood beside the red carpet and almost lost my voice cheering on the kings and queens, I danced until my feet hurt, and even indulged in a cupcake. 

As much as I enjoyed myself, some of the true joy came when the parents and friends came to pick up the kings and queens and got to peek inside to see them all dancing and having the time of their lives. They cried and held each other, and took pictures. It was their night, too. 

If you get the chance, and are lucky enough to have the time and energy (and dance shoes), volunteer for Night To Shine in 2018. It will change your life...forever. 

A special thanks goes out to Kala Hamilton and her team, and the 190 volunteers that made this night happen. I'll see you next year!

​There's a video that has made its way around the world. Bullies. Torture. Special needs. I haven't watched it, and I don't plan on it. My eyes have seen everything they needed to by reading the reactions around our country and beyond. There is hate foaming on the mouths of those that usually love. There are those raising pitchforks and lighting their torches. The line has been drawn. We WILL NOT stand by and allow this to happen again. Not in my country. Not in my city. NOT IN MY HOUSE...or will it? I have seen a couple dozen people share this video in the last few days, with hundreds, and in some cases thousands of comments. Most have the same content; what should happen to the perpetrators during their stay in one of Chicago's finest... 5-star prisons.

But soon the pitchforks will be put back in their sheds. The torches will burn out. The anger and outrage will fall to the floor and dissipate. Some will move on with their lives and leave this incident behind. A few will continue to talk about this, and have fewer and fewer listeners, until they themselves tire from the words falling upon the ears of the deaf.

But most will wait. They will sit at home by their computers staring at the screen. They will stand in line with phones in hand until it's their turn to order today's new special blend of coffee. They will take turns looking back and forth between the clock and the screen in front of them at work. All waiting. Patiently.

Until the next incident. Until the next post. Until the next live video from their local news. Until something else happens. And then everybody can get back on social media and let the world know they don't approve.

But there is a better way. There is something more productive. We can all make a difference. This is where our youth come in. We need to take this opportunity to learn and teach. Our children will act upon their beliefs and morals. When we belittle our children, they will belittle someone else. They will try to find someone smaller or weaker. They may not want to, but it might be the only way they feel any control in their life. When we knock down our children, they will knock someone else down. It might be another kid right now, or a neighbor or spouse later. When we push away or don't have time for our children, they will do the same to theirs.

​There are times when I get home from work and all I want is to sit down in my comfy chair, with my comfy sweats, and my fuzzy slippers and take an hour to decompress and watch a new episode of New Girl. But my daughter needs hugs and wants me to hear her sing her version of Taylor Swift's new song. My youngest son needs me to help adjust his handle bars and seat on his new bike so he can go for a bike ride. My other son just got finished recording a new song he wrote and wants me to hear how he mixed the drums with the guitar solo. And still another son wrote me a letter and can't wait to hear a reply. I can hear my wife in the kitchen doing the dishes as she's cooking dinner. I want to go help her so she can also have a chance to sit down and relax. These are the moments where we can really shape our children. These are the moments when we can teach our children compassion, love, and empathy. Just as the negative can impact a child, the positive can do the same.

When I listen to my daughter's song, I tell her I have time for her and am proud of her individuality.

When I fix my son's bike, I tell him I have time for him and want him to go out and experience the world.

When I listen to my son's new song he recorded, he knows I made time for him and love his creativity.

When I sit down and write my other son a letter, I am saying I have time for you and love our communication.

​And when I help with the dishes and dinner, I am saying two things. I am telling my wife I love her and appreciate everything she does for the family, and I'm telling the kids that no matter how much you give, there's always more, and the smallest deeds can sometimes make the biggest impacts.

I teach my children to try to do something for somebody else every day, without expecting something in return. I do this by example. Don't just tell your kids the right move to make...show them. I ask that every time you see/hear something bad on the news, on social media, or out of your kid's mouth, you find a way to teach your child how to show compassion, love, and empathy. This is how we can move forward as a community. This is how we can survive as a society.

​Put down your pitchforks and torches... you might learn something, yourself.